THE FINAL ENTRY...The journey ends (for now!)

It’s been almost a week since I've found myself back home. Since my last entry there were a few unpredicted events that made my decision of coming home easier to make. Arriving home a little earlier then my return date was also not planned! Having made it to 7 weeks with no sickness was pretty impressive for me lol. But it crept up behind me and got me just when things were getting rather interesting. I didn’t enjoy the hospital visits and the needles (even though the Africans have very strict processes in place now when needles are involved!) in my last week and i think it was a good decision to get my ass back home. That meant turning down one or two opportunities to stay and work out there, I feel this was not the right time or place in my life. Although the difficulty in crossing the border into Tanzania may have been a last chance to change my mind- especially when the immigration weren’t allowing me to leave Tanzania and enter Kenya to fly home!!! It’s a good job I kept my kool and had my wits about me as I just about got away with it. This made me think that I could survive out here and experience staying out here for a longer period.
Coming home was somewhat an emotional journey, one full of mixed feelings. I was really upset about leaving the Mama and friends behind but at the same time so excited to see my brother Sid, family and friends again. It was also sad to say goodbye to all the individuals who I’d worked with and helped in the last 7 weeks. They appeared really anxious and concerned that my time had come to an end with them and the small business projects. I still felt my work was not complete and there was still so much i could do to help build and better their lives.
On my never ending journey home I realised there would never have been 'a right time to come home' and it would be hard in any case. But I have found contentment in taking my journey for everything it was and what I made of it.
After all it was initially a dream to one day head to Africa and help make some sort of a difference. The media portrays certain images and accounts of east Africa but to experience and witness it myself opened my mind and allowed me to be flexible in my thinking. Out of all my travelling adventures and expeditions this really tested me in terms of how far I can take myself out of my comfort zone in a 3rd world country. The most valuable thing I’ve learnt about myself is if I find something standing in my way or path now I’d be able to take a step back and follow my gut instinct. In the past I’ve had a tendency to fight it, make it mean or be something else. I now understand that there will be times when I won’t be able to understand certain events, instances and people. So instead of wasting time searching and bringing me to my knees I should see everything for what it is not what is was or could be in the future. Because I am actually wasting my dreams on reflection. I need tol take all of my dreams and look to make them come true because I was born in this world. This world allowed me to fulfil this opportunity in the first place, it is this world that makes me fortunate to have the life I have in comparison to those who I crossed paths with in Africa. In my journey, I witnessed how other people in this world can in turn affect the way of life of others through the leadership, power and control they have. Tanzania as I saw it, is one of those place where the consequences of this leadership are distressing. How did this make me feel? sad at the fact that this isn’t anything new and annoyed that this is just the way of the world and how it works in certain parts. To try and change this needs more than just one person, it requires a group of people a large group of people and I hope the future will allow me to be part of a large group and change things.
The most priceless feeling I found in Africa was love, love for a 2nd family and admiration and compassion for the people who I crossed paths with. That is something that will always stay with me and made this trip simply incredible.

Interesting start to June - My thoughts ….my return flight home v job opportunity

I can’t believe 6 weeks have passed ...and a job opportunity has arisen for assistant country manager for the NGO and I have a very good probability of getting it. They have discussed it with me and want me to consider it…. I feel very settled with my home stay family and am very much comfortable and happy living here. In comparison to home it is so peaceful and life is very simple but pleasant. Looking back I think the start was very rocky and unsettled, but I guess that was due to some events that happened and I put it down to bad luck and experience. As soon as I was placed into Mama Aichee’s home that’s when my stay in Tanzania really took off. I look forward to coming back from work and seeing Mama and the guys, coming together to cook dinner and sit down together and talk for hours till its time for bed. I have gotten use to staying up and talking to mama , we strike up conversations about experiences, differences, culture, love; current affairs etc there are no limits or boundaries. I find it fascinating hearing about the cultural differences especially. I absolutely adore the woman; she is a remarkable character to say the least. She’s compassionate and caring, witty, ridiculously intelligent and knowledgeable and soooo energetic it’s untrue. Sitting here now and thinking about my return flight home makes me feel a little sick as this family has become very special and close to me. I don’t know why as I have missed my family and especially Sid, so although the thought of seeing them again really excites me at the same time I also feel very sad in knowing it could be time to say bye to them. Deep down I think it was really weird having a mother like figure back in my life, after losing mum I have got use to not having a relationship like this, not even with my step mum who is someone who I see as a friend and definitely not a mother figure. But Mama Aichee has embraced me with open arms and an open mind, I couldn't’t have asked for anything more. For the last 7 years of my life I have tried and found a way of coping with the void of not having mum around, and no knowing no one could ever replace her. But having someone who is like a mother like figure has made me realised just how much I’ve missed and needed mum around even if I was a young adult when I lost her. But it’s made me feel very fortunate to have formed this special mother-daughter kinda relationship with her, regardless of this being my home-stay family in Tanzania. I know my time is drawing to an end and the closer I get to her more difficult it’s going to be coming home and for this to end.
I have enjoyed my role on the work projects and it feels so natural like I’ve found my sense of belonging. I was trying out so many things in the last 18 months trying to decide what I enjoy the most and what makes me content. This makes me content, but at the same time I have a family and an amazing circle of friends back home. I’m just not sure if this opportunity has come at the right time or place for me, I have an element of doubt and my gut instincts tend to be a sign. So some decisions to be made.

Week commencing 1st June

This week I had hoped to complete the majority of the business plans for all the small business loan recipients in Kwa Idd. I am aiming to try and release half of the monies before i make the decision to stay or go home. After working so hard and closely with the guys I’d be a little sad not to present them with the monies. Not just that, as advisors we are to go with them to purchase their supplies/materials to set up the actual business. How exciting is that going to be ..totally random for sure as Peter would need to go farms to purchase sunflower then we would make the oil over a 7 day period. This would also include us packaging it and transporting it all back to his village ready to sell it. Another purchase will require me to go further afield to agriculture farms to purchase some goats for Nayamani as she will be breeding and selling milk in her village. Once purchased I need to ensure the vaccinations and correct vitamins/minerals are sourced for a 6 month period…this is really going to require me to do my homework ! Then god willingly I hope to assist Helena to Dar-as-salam to purchase her 2nd hand bedsheets/clothes in bulk to bring back to Arusha set up her little business. So everyone’s ideas differ and it will give me a great insight in buying and selling goods in Tanzania, should be an experience I’m sure.

During the week we also visited Ngaramtoni to check on the progress on Flora’s chicken farm – YAY! It was finally built she just requires more materials to purchase the chicken boxes and wire gauzes to finish it off. I’m well impressed with her commitment to getting this up and running, for a single HIV affected mother she is an inspiration to her children, community and to me. The other 2 grant applicants appeared to be struggling within their vegetable selling business. Esther has been cautious to purchase larger quanatites so we took time to assist them and guide them in purchasing the vegetable plots. I had to hover around in the backround when we were getting pricing as their is a 'Tanzanian' price and a'Mzungu'price! so in order to get the best price i decided not to go towards the frontline.

Week commencing 25th May

and me trying to use illustrations for the small business training.

Sara presenting on behalf of her group

Nayamani and Esther, trying to get an update on their prchasing of the vegetable plots

Stephanie expressing what a business is to her.

Kwa Idd Project
The start of the week was spent trying to validate some initial costs for both Peter’s sunflower business and Mary’s barbeque goat business. Peter’s initial request for the loan was 200.000 Tsh, however after exploring some different avenues for supply of the sunflower we were able to transfer 50,000 from Peter’s allocation to Sion. Sion was an applicant who was initially chosen as she lacked the knowledge and skills in trying to generate income. However, her living conditions were the lowest scored. I couldn't allow myself not to include her in the first round of the small loans, even if it was 50,000 it would make a huge difference to her weekly income.The successful applicants that were chosen were also told the good news and informed about the 2 day training for small businesses. I had never taught to a group before other than carried out presentations for a board of executives I hadn’t really had to take charge of an adult class!! Therefore the start of the week was spent thinking about the approach i was going to take and the content of my training. I knew visual aid was a must and my basic Swahili would not allow me to do this on my own, so having Dan as an interpreter working with me will really come in handy here!!

Helping Sister Felicity - FAWE project
After a lot of thought I have decided the way forward for this organisation will be to try and create some form of income generating scheme. Even if i can finalise donors and get hold of funds once the money has been allocated to where its needed, there will still be difficulties in the long run. So I discussed income generating ideas, we needed to do a survey on the area to see what potential ideas would work. The current org which is financing Sister Felicity has also rolled out another round of funding. Therefore most of my time was also used to assist her in completing the long grant proposal. This required a complete financial picture of FAWE and transparency on why funding was required.


27 may
Ngaramtoni
It was an eventful day in Ngaramton, there has been little rain so it was very very dusty in the hills, but none the less we caught Flora today.Last week she was unable to purchase right quality of wood, so remainder has been purchased. The problem we will face now is the shortage of money, it will not be enough to cover the labour charges so i need to re-asses this with Kate. Also did progress reports for Nayamani and Esther, looking at their records it was apparent they had made a loss with the vegetable business. Nayamani had made a bad call with the supplier she had chosen, as the vegetable plot purchased was not a good one. Esther had not researched pricing within the market she was selling and had sold her stock for less then she purchased. We spent a lot of time with them today to make a plan of action for the next two weeks, we will be working with them closely in purchasing and selling the goods as of today.

28/29
The Business training
I was a little concerned at the star of the week as to not having enough time to prep for the training, However i managed to arrange it all in between my bus journey's to and from work.I was a little nervous the night before, but these 2 days of carrying out small business training was so rewarding and enjoyable. Group work was great aspect in getting all the guys to integrate and work as a team, also the creative guys of the group emerged . I ensured the start of the training got rid of their fear about lack of education and business knowledge.I did this by using a simple exercise whereby i asked the 3 groups to draw pictures on their understanding of what business was – this was really interesting, especially as none of them drew money but pics of the carrying out what they knew was ‘good business’. One of the illustrations was by Justin, he had drew a picture of a tree whereby he explained the roots of it was where the stock was (capital) . From the roots to the branches was the flow of distribution to the customer (channels of distribution). Each branch her drew represented all the different types of consumers (segmentation) and the apples on the trees was where the profit came from. He explained how each part of the apple would cover and contribute costs of the business,families expenses and savings. This concept will really stick with me, no matter what little education he had it was his determination to succeed and care for his family that mattered. I really wanted them to integrate with one another and share thoughts so encouraged them all to present their ideas,they were all shy about doing this but after just 2 days you could clearly see their confidence and enthusiasm beaming.
The remainder of the training covered the requirements to start a business, developing a business idea, evaluation of competition, the customer, determining a selling price and building a repeat client base. The 2nd day was challenging as it was the financial part ranging from profit and loss to keeping records. Although it was a good chance chance to see which recipients had difficulty with numbers etc, to help me recognise which needed closer support and help in setting up.

The tricky bit....who gets the loans?

22 May
The big day, the selection process.
we were able to carry out the selection today, confirmed 9 loan recipients from 31. We could only choose 8 however managed to retrieve 50,000 from peter after going through his requirements to start his sunflower oil business. He was able to purchase the bottle himself and make the oil himself, this would save 50,000 TSh. Therefore I transferred this into a small loan for Seon. Very small , bt will make a difference to her living condition as she is currently supporting herself and 2 grandchildren on less than $1 a day, so I couldn’t let this go. Therefore due to the fact she has had 10 yrs of selling experience I caluculated she could by a plot of veg and sell at the markets. Although Dan was a tad unsure if we did the right thing as Seon is not as advanced as the others, in terms of her financial understanding on profit/loss and forecasting. Although the other's did not use any of the processes we use to forecast out business, some of this carried this out mentally but without record keeping.
Although it took us 4 hrs to do the selection, a further 4 hours were spent trying to retrieve some funds for Seon and in the end I did it. Today was a difficult day as it was hard to try and remain open-minded especially as the selection criteria took into account living conditions, health, income , business acumen etc. I felt crappy that some applicants met the criteria in terms of low scores for living/income but they also scored low on their business ideas so if these wernt balanced we had to exclude from the selection. I didn't like this but had to try and not be bias.

AND FINALLY THE WEEKEND!

Church servivice at 7am, large aspect of Tanzanian livestyle and it was the harvest feastival.Live goats and chickens brought to the front alongside food and bedsheets. What is going to happen with them ws my question. Enjoyed the gospel group who were so energetic and happy at 7 am! I had to get up and introduce myself in front of 200-300 odd people at the start of the service, this was the part I dreaded. Very embarrassing I shit my load. After all that live animals and goods were auctioned to raise funds for the church itself!

Me and sam visited the arusha hotel and sat by the pool reading and having some cold beverages.Although we did burn and hit with sun stroke..but was nice none the less as we just chillaxed needed a god day off work and some luxury in the weeks we had been here.
Evening was great as the whole family took me for some traditional nimochoma and goats meat..was such a brilliant atmosphere I had such a great time. Moma is like a real mother to me and it feels so nice having here there, it feels weird as she always includes me alongside the the other girls no matter what. Meet was tough bt tasty no fat lol! Was a live band which I had been looking forward to all day too.

Week commencing 18 May

The Grant recipients in the Ngaromtoni, Nayamani and Esther.

The hills of Ngaromtoni, its taking alot of energy andI'm eating so much so I can walk for hrs everyday!

Start of the week
Ngaramtoni…not a good start but a good end

Its 9.30pm and I can’t even keep my eyes open….walking up and down the hills has killed me off today! It felt like Mount Longido all over again today, after 2 hrs of walking in the hills I felt like my legs couldn’t go on. I noticed a change in the temperature today it was so hot and I felt burning on my neck whilst walking to one of our grant recipients. I spent the day in Ngaramtoni today, to see the status of the 4 grant recipients. Flora was due to have had her chicken house extended to a two tier in the last week. Both Esther and Nayanami have purchased their vegetable plots and now are in the process of selling to wholesalers or restaurants in the town.

We needed to find out if Evelyn’s food shack was making more profit too. She had invested the grant in new equipment to enable her to produce more quantities of the food she sold. As for Dora, I went around the market today to see what type of businesses were most popular and which one’s were sparse in order to identify a business opportunity for Dora. We are not going with her initial idea of selling maize – as there are a dozen sellers of this already. However after the early start we were finished by 1pm and had been unsuccessful in catching up with any of the recipients.As they were all working in farms which were a located a fair distance from their homes. So you could image the disappointment after walking up the hills for 2 hrs and not to find Flora there and no sign of materials or the expansion of the chicken house. It was very unusual as we tend to meet at least 4/5 recipients on a normal day. But it’s always a gamble as most of them live high in the hills and do not own a phone, so it is always important to arrange a day and time to visit whereby both parties stick to the plan. The rest of the day was spent in town, as I wanted to meet up with the country manager Kate. This was to finalise the criteria I had come up with to assess the potential applicants for the small business loans in Kwa Idd. I’m also grateful that my home stay is only an hour’s walk from town, because I can get access to the net if I start work early at 7 and finish by 4 so I can fit in the net café before it gets dark and dangerous. As for the work, I have come to enjoy the level of responsibility and independence that I am give to carry out the projects, it’s really nice to know both of the country managers have faith in you to lead these projects on behalf of the NGO.

19 May – Kwa idd
its all about the visits…..
Carried out 10 visits today! the journey on the dala dala is becoming more entertaining everyday ..I ended up being pushed into an overflowing bus today with my ass sticking out the door. The locals were laughing saying how muzungus don’t know how to huddle! If you ask me if I got any closer to them I’d be in a humping position,sod that!! So I laughed with them and said’ nimeelewa’ which means ‘I understand’ Mzungu huh! So now I just laugh with them and say I understand to everything lol!i also learnt today why I get called this, regardless of me looking like an Indian. A local said to me how you never see a Tanzanian Indian walking, because they all have cars. Hence they come to the conclusion I’m a foreigner. Walking up to my house has also become quite funny…Habari Mzungu is how I am greeted..my reply nzuri Africana!! The responses are great to that one..good job they have a sense of humour too! I COULD NOT MOVE by the time I got through the front gate today. Was so shattered I noticed my lack of concentration when trying to cross the main roads to walk home today. I was a cheeky sod by crossing and making cars stop for me. just didn’t have the energy to wait and wait for a opening for me to run across today! NOT A SMART PARV! Today was a tough day, I was working towards ensuring selection would take place before the weeks out. So this mean majority of the visits had to be carried out today as I lose couple of hrs 2mro as it’s the committee meeting for the group. This ended up being the case as I was on a mission to walk to all the families like a woman possessed and complete the visits accordingly to the criteria I ran past Kate yesterday. The committee members were surprised as to how much energy I had and the distance I could walk and not say ‘I’m tired, enough for today’ but this also showed them my level of commitment. There was a range of potential recipients I visited today…

everyone had their story and plans and aspirations I felt a little sad as I knew we can only help a 1/3 of these people and some will be turned down. It made me feel helpless but at the same time I realised the fact that no matter how many people I try and help there will always be somebody who will be disappointed and disheartened that I couldn’t do anything further for them. This made it even more important to me to get this selection right; if we chose the right recipients then this would ensure repayment would be assured. So money would be put back into the pot to be distributed for the 2nd road between 3- 6 months.

The next day I managed another 6 visits and attended the committee meeting for the last part of the day. Also met Mama Minja , she is a very respected and recognised figure within the community as she has carried out a similat project for women in business in a town close by. I have to say it was very interesting to meet her, as she wanted us to give equal amounts to 10 recipients so it would be easier to collect the repayments on a monthly basis. As the amounts would all be the same. Although this required me to discuss the importance in not treating all the individuals the same as everyone has different expectation and levels of support they required. So it was vital we see each case with the merit it deserved instead of trying to think about how it would be easier for collecting the repayments. I think she was also being biased against the individuals who had very little money but great business ideas on generating income.

21 May
Lets change the plan Parv…?
I was hoping to get the visits all typed up to include the financial information in clear format. However at the end of the meting yesterday we came across 4 women who hadn’t been interviewed. The reason being they worked as manual labourers on nearby farms – it was at this point I made the decision to delay the selection by one day and meet up with these 4 women. For all we knew they could have some really good ideas on how to generate income, the micro-finance loans could make a real difference to them and their families. They probably could not come due to the work commitments; therefore these women looked like they really needed help in terms of improving their lives. However they had asked if I could conduct the visits in the afternoon today as they all had HIV clinics to attend in the am. Sadly none of the four showed up in the afternoon I waited for 2 hours, thinking they must have real good reasons for running late. But I think they could not afford to take any time out to do all of this application for loan business. I was really gutted and had to accept that if they really wanted to be helped they would have turned up..but I couldn’t help thinking maybe they didn’t have any confidence in us..maybe something happened to them on the way back from the clinics? But Dan explained this is common, sometimes the ones that really need the money to better their livelihoods get used to the way things are and don’t expect anything or any help from anybody – so don’t bother. Walking back down the hills to the bus stand was a silent journey….I was trying to come to terms with the outcome of today and came to realise you can’t help everybody you come across. I can only do the best I can during my time here and that will have to be good enough for me. Sometimes such problems are out of my control, for me to try and reach out to these to try and help will not always be possible. Lesson learned.

The weekend - 16/17 May

Making some chapattis

and still making some more chapattis!

My home brother cam home unexpectedly from school yesterday, he is at school in another state, which is common. So it was nice spending some time catching up with him last night. So I had decided to make dinner for the family as they were keen to try an Indian or British dish, I opted for Indian as it would be easier to try and get all the ingredients over here! Upendo had helped me all evening and we ended up with fresh aubergine and potatoes and chicken accompanied with chapattis and rice. Chapattis are a common food here so that was handy. However it was a good job my hair was tied up as I made the curries over a gas cylinder and the chapattis over some coal outside…back to basics was an experience! The dinner was a real hit with the family and we have decided this is going to be a weekly treat for them, not that I love being a hostess or anything as most of you would agree hehehe!
Caroline and Karen had arranged for the 3 of us to visit ‘National Arusha Park’ on the Sunday which was a nice day out. The weather held up and it was a restful today, as most of it was spent standing up in the jeep! The park itself was huge and quite green considering, so we were able to get out at some points and get close to the animals which was real nice. Although walking through the forests was a little risky but we had a ranger so that made it a little exciting…in case we had some uninvited company.